Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
James Marsden – Tom
Ben Schwartz – Sonic
Jim Carrey – Dr. Robotnik
Tika Sumpter – Maddie
Lee Majdoub – Agent Stone
Let me make one thing clear: I went to see Sonic the Hedgehog because I naturally assumed I would sit back in the cinema and be whipped up in a reminiscent frenzy of animation. This computer game was a massive part of my childhood, played by anybody and everybody I knew from school peers to people who lived on my street. Those bright red shoes and Sonic’s wonderfully bizarre platform world filled with bouncing animals and bugs.. brilliant. And that sound effect that pierced the air with sparkling glory – golden rings.
Fabulous. I couldn’t wait to immerse myself in the hero hedgehog’s world again.
I can categorically confirm that this movie will be an utter disappointment if you’re thinking the same prior to watching it.
This was one of those cinema visits I was fuming with as I slammed my way through the screen doors and back out into the foyer without even waiting for the closing credits to roll. What a truly terrible attempt at bringing Sonic back. Shoddy camera work and restrictive sets, mock-acting, minimal humour, characters who look and act like they were literally born yesterday.. the negatives outweigh the positives massively.
You know those characters in movies who are fully-grown adults and work for top secret organisations, who should be clever and manipulative – but instead spend their screen time open-mouthed and stupid? That’s what you’re dealing with here. Even during Dr. Robotnik’s introduction; men of the military seem to have been wiped of their intelligence as they stand bumbling in front of Carrey’s character.
Robotnik’s aide played by Lee Majdoub even seems like he’s fresh from stacking shelves at the local 7-Eleven instead of being a government agent. But slack characterization isn’t an element of the movie the producers should have gotten away with. The fact these are militant characters with their robust traits removed means any tension on screen is wiped out before it can even begin. And instead you get a handful of recurring dumbass characters who completely contradict their job titles. I detest movies that do this. It’s like having the soldiers outside Buckingham Palace rummaging around in their pants or misplacing their guns.
Pathetic. Tedious. That’s the cast.
Jokes are thin on the ground throughout the movie, even being down to a small child at one point to supply the laughs (which she doesn’t). Gags such as Tom smuggling Sonic into a building by shoving him into sports bag are almost completely pointless, bypassing the potential for some decent human-animation interaction. But where this movie drastically misses the mark is the collision of two worlds; the introduction of Sonic himself barely happens when he is discovered in Tom’s shed. A few moments later and the pair are zooming around the city in a car, leaving no time for recognition of the situation. Even Tom’s girlfriend barely bats an eyelid when she meets him. Confusion of course, but otherwise she jumps on the wagon within seconds and welcomes the hedgehog into her home.
This is your classic stupidity, passing itself off as slapstick but ultimately making you cringe at things that aren’t even remotely funny. It’s not a reminiscent treat at all, completely avoiding all elements of the computer game splendour and even introducing characters who weren’t part of it. This was simply its producers way of palming off a shit idea for a film under a very famous name in the gaming world. An utter travesty.
I’d say put it on for the kids, but if they’re any older than five they’ll probably lose interest.
These rings have well and truly rusted.