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Isabela Moner – Dora Márquez
Michael Peña – Cole Márquez
Eva Longoria – Elena Márquez
Eugenio Derbez – Alejandro Gutierrez
Madeleine Madden – Sammy
Jeff Wahlberg – Diego
Nicholas Coombe – Randy
Temuera Morrison – Powell
Holy shit, the actors in this movie are TERRIBLE! Totally shocking. In fact this is the first time I’ve seen a cinematic production in which both actor and character combined are insufferable. Except Dora herself, thank god.
First up, we have the leading lady:
Moner is the best, most entertaining of the entire cast. This young woman brings the famous adventure character to life in a brilliantly animated style. The triangular-haired little thing you’ve seen previously is suddenly blasted into puberty and appears on screen as a ferociously independent, booby young woman (living in the wilderness clearly did her some good with bra-busters like those). How the actress plays her feels enthusiastic-sarcastic; she steams ahead with all the marvel of an archaeologist but pauses occasionally to tone it down to kids’ level when communicating to the camera. Moner rightfully grabs this movie by the balls with fellow cast members eating out of the palm of her hands. This young woman is captivating, and very well cast for a children’s film.
Then comes Madden (Sammy) with all the dynamics of an unlit firework. This actress – if you can call her that – is just awful. Her sloppy characteristics and limp body language make her one of those characters where you as the viewer wonder if the person playing it is being bad on purpose or not. Bad actor or oddball character? I honestly couldn’t tell, but Sammy grated on me – especially the scene where she needed to defecate in the middle of the jungle (along comes Dora to perform a song about faeces being a natural fertiliser as her peer pulls down her pants and squats). Out the poop comes..
My eyes wide, mouth slightly open, I had gone into some form of shock, I swear. I was sat watching a young woman shit in the bushes while Dora (the explorer allegedly) sang about it. This was something else. Something worse. Not even her emptying her bowels could make me warm to Sammy. Watching her in a scene for more than a few seconds was like watching chewing gum slowly peeling itself off of a wall over a very long period of time. Agony, basically.
I refuse to even comment on Coombe (Randy).
Hats off to the adult actors in this movie, being roped into a plot so void of intelligence must have been easy – but regrettable. God only knows why Longoria got involved, but she’s actually one of the very few cast who adds something to the feature both emotionally and comically. The woman has gone from Desperate Housewives to desperate.
This movie is a bit disjointed. One moment Dora’s in school, the next she’s sat in a cave working through the predicament she finds herself in. It jumps from one place to another without much substance to tie the story together. Towards the end of the movie the gang discover an ancient treasure they have been searching for. The camera zooms in on their astounded faces as they stare up in joy at it.
Then two of the characters do something.
And then Dora says something.
And then they begin retreating from what they have found. The viewer gets no glimpse of it at all, until right near the movie’s closing. This was a bizarre way to do a ‘big reveal’ and most kids out there who watch Dora and the Lost City of Gold will probably be deflated by the fact the splendour is kept from them visually.
So, the good points?
Dora and the Lost City of Gold certainly makes the most of adventurous obstacles. People swinging from vines and slo-mo leaping across gigantic crevasses ensures physical entertainment for kids, as well as rocky aircrafts and speeding carts. It creates an aquatic feel when Dora and friends try to solve a puzzle whilst being flooded with gushing water (and subsequently plunging down a gunge-soaked water slide). The entire thing is wonderfully enjoyable shit that is perfect for kids.
This is one for young children to sit and watch, definitely under the age of seven. They’ll be wowed by its colourful and bouncy vibe and non-stop nonsense. If you’re an adult though, you’ll probably think back to that bar you were in last night and wonder who spiked your drinks..