Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Arnold Schwarzenegger – Wade Vogel
Abigail Breslin – Maggie Vogel
Joely Richardson – Caroline Vogel
From the moment I sat down, I thought, “can’t wait to see Abigail Breslin slowly turn into a zombie”. Mainly because the story sounded really interesting; a young girl slowly transforming into a flesh-eating thing. Her skin changing, even her eyes (by use of those classic contact lenses) turning dull. I was anticipating the overall drama of it. I couldn’t wait.
..I was very unimpressed. Seriously. Witnessing Maggie become a ‘zombie’ wasn’t as exciting as I’d hoped. She was either strolling around her father’s house or laying on her bed half-asleep, and resembled a very hungover teenager the morning after a night at a zombie-themed fancy dress party (still stained with grey makeup).
Honestly, it was just awful from beginning to end. What I assumed would be a fascinating twist on your standard zombie movie turned out to be a quick stage show depicting how rocky a father-daughter relationship can be, delivered by unlikely pair Schwarzenegger and Breslin. And I say unlikely as in – mismatched. Wrongly cast. Their chemistry wasn’t strong enough to be father and daughter, it just didn’t work.
Thrown in was a loose back-story and tediously boring dialogue, and bingo – one of the most tiresome (literally – I felt as though I was falling asleep at one point) films I’ve ever had to endure until the end credits.
The only element I actually found interesting was Maggie’s snoring (ironically), because as she lay asleep during certain scenes, the girl exhaled noises of ‘zombie’; whereas most people would be breathing normally, she breathed in and breathed out the sound of groaning. You know that classic groaning or noise zombies omit when they’re not fully screaming, a wheezy moaning. This started coming through in her breathing as she transformed into one and was quite bizarre. Almost sad. Top marks here for snoring.
Yes – this is how the movie was progressing.
I’m trying to think of the most powerful word to use to describe how much Maggie was a missed opportunity. The story had so much damn potential, could have been excellent. But the movie was a destroyed concept. Smashed to pieces. Ruined.
Have you ever watched movie and thought, “this could be done so much better”? Or switched a movie off and thought, “what a shame”, due to its plot not being followed through properly?
Maggie is a prime example of this.
The story is a superb idea; a man watching his daughter slowly ‘turn’ instead of following the classic ‘bite – scream – turn’ process. Knowing they must face what is coming and the victim changing day by day instead of it happening instantly.. excellent.
Produced in the right way, this movie could have drowned the audience in emotion, it could have broken hearts, shocked, surprised, brought tears to eyes. But instead, the director was content to let the actors walk around the set more or less improvising, delivering very little (almost none) impact and tensity. Arnold Schwarzenegger paces around the set with that classic ‘frown of disappointment’ look on his face which he does very well in most movies, and he was – as always – Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Let’s face it, the man will always be himself in any movie. Like Hugh Grant for example; no acting required. Hollywood doesn’t even ask for an American accent from them, they let them get on with it. As themselves.
Maggie was like a boring episode of The Walking Dead, where viewers are given an hour of character development instead of the fast-paced tense action they want. I very nearly walked out.
As mentioned above, the overall theme of a father having to watch his child slowly transform into a dead-like state is powerful stuff. Like a victim of cancer where the person’s closest relative watches their loved one slowly dying, Maggie is built on this foundation – which sadly collapses. At certain points however, the movie radiates an air of loss which is very sad stuff. But this only happens for about 20% of its screen time.
Maggie is shit, quite frankly.
Forgive my blunt attitude, but I honestly wouldn’t sit through it again even if I was PAID to – it’s that boring. The producers of this movie took the whole zombie genre and shat all over it. Thing is, the concept (as mentioned) is great – but collapses under the shit.
Breslin and Schwarzenegger make a believable family pairing mainly due to their brunette features, but otherwise, it’s just not strong enough. The two actors deliver hardly any on-screen dynamics and mirror each other’s dull lack of energy; the movie is almost depressing in action and scenery. Shady grey colours, unhappy faces, boring conversations, impending loss..
Avoid Maggie like the plague. Which is what she should’ve done in the movie to be fair.