Blended

 

 

After a blind date goes disastrously wrong, the same man and woman find themselves stuck together at a resort for families, where their attraction grows as their respective kids benefit from the burgeoning relationship.
But a few revelations are made in the process.

 

 

 

 

 

Cast

Adam Sandler – Jim

Drew Barrymore – Lauren

Kevin Nealon – Eddie

Joel McHale – Mark

Wendi McLendon-Covey – Jen

Bella Thorne – Hilary

Alyvia Alyn Lind – Lou

Braxton Beckham – Brendan

 

 

 

Irrelevant

With minimal plot and pathetic dialogue, director Frank Coraci brings us a movie which you don’t need to actually sit down and watch – everything you need to know is summed up in the trailer. I have to be honest – I did not enjoy any aspect of this movie whatsoever. It was cheap, slack and produced with such minimal effort that I actually glazed over for its entire screen time, my eyes on the screen but staring into space..

The thing I noticed most was how irrelevant 90% of the humour was. Blended was like a list someone had written of ideas they thought would be funny on screen, because quite literally, the humourous moments were chucked at the audience – one after the other, after the other – with no pause. A character drops a ‘funny’ line – then the moment is gone as another character drops another line.. same with the physical comedy – something witty happens and then bang – end of scenario, onto the next.
Ironically, nothing blended into anything else properly. The transition between certain things happening was bloody awful as the cast threw random jokes around with no structure – it was like a free-for-all.

 

 

 

 

Ha, Ha, Hard

I found it extremely difficult to laugh at this movie; literally having to force myself to do so at ceratin points. Some lines delivered by certain characters flopped spectacularly, same with antics carried out that the director thought might be funny to use.
At one stage, Jim is sat in a boat on a lake and gets freaked out by the (fake) decoration crocodiles bobbing around him. After screaming at the top of his voice whilst rocking the boat side to side, the wife of a couple floating next to him yells across to Jim (half-shouting, half-singing in a bizarre over-the-top style), “WHAT HAPPENS IN AFRICA STAYS IN AFRICA!”

..complete silence in the auditorium.

I sat staring at the screen, eyes wide. Expressionless.

Moments such as this kept coming. The only problem was the effort used by the cast to deliver them. Another scene sees Lauren carrying her youngest son to bed – when they enter the room, she drops him.. but then falls to the floor herself, before performing the world’s most unenthused roly-poly.
It was cringeworthy, observing such slack performance. I wondered if the adult cast had been around the child cast for so long that they had become playful and stupid themselves. Had the uninhibited attitude of the little ones rubbed off on them? Or were the adults sloppy in general?

 

What IS Adam Sandler?

I have to query this. Because I honestly cannot work it out.
WHAT THE HELL IS ADAM SANDLER?
Is he an actor, or supposed to be a comedian? Because I’ve never found him genuinely funny – in any movie I have seen him in. The man is like the skeleton of a comedian – with the flesh and organs missing. He can deliver a witty line but he can’t quite nail being hilarious. On the acting front, he manages to pull off a good performance. Although fading into the background slightly, he uses his eyes to display much of his emotion which works – only problem is, Sandler remains largely forgettable.

Some Hollywood actors stand out; one may be incredibly sexy and only on screen to make girls drip, another might be notorious for delivering heart-wrenching performances which have the audience in tears, and one may be hysterical – every line he delivers is spoken with such perfect comedic timing and style that he has the audience howling with laughter.

..what is Adam Sandler’s appeal?
Which category does he fall into?
Because quite honestly, the man reminds me of a random postman who one day made a Hollywood executive laugh whilst delivering a parcel, and bingo – foot in the door and the rest was a piggy-back ride to fame. I just cannot fathom how he rocketed to comedy-flick fame whilst being more bland than a Rich Tea biscuit.

 

 

Baseball Boredom

Just a quick observation, however random it may be: why do the issues of parenthood responsibilties / absent adults have to take place in the stalls of an American child’s baseball game?
This happened quite a lot in movies back in the 90’s, but not so much nowadays; you know how the child clutches his or her baseball bat tightly, scanning the applauding crowd for signs of “dad” who hasn’t shown up due to being a lazy asshole. This happens in Blended when Lauren’s son takes part in a season game, and felt incredibly cliché. But then I guess a child frowning at his or her Xbox because “dad” hasn’t logged on to support them during Grand Theft Auto would lack tradition.

But it’s always the same isn’t it..

Child clutches bat, beaming at how confident he is

Mother and supporting strangers sit roaring with support in the stalls

Child crouches and goes to take his first swing

Child suddenly has a funny feeling

Child turns round, notices father is not there

Mother looks disappointed but continues cheering anyway

Child gets pissy and ends up being a total flop during the game

A sudden air of moral responsibilty and questionable loyalty swamps the stalls as the mother grits her teeth and mumbles a few expletives about the father (even though he may well have informed her the night before he has a life-changing work meeting to attend which could effect the family’s home or future)

..a random parent smiles at the mother to show how supportive stangers can be when they’re in a good mood.

 

 

Supporting Cast

Shocking. Basically.

First off, I would like to offer my sympathy to Wendi McLendon-Covey for being cast in this awful movie. The woman is actually rather good – acting, comedic timing, she has it all. And whenever she was on screen I was entertained.
She has a captivating quality about her which is precious – which is a shame, as she is sorely underused as an actress. Unfortunately she was mis-cast as Jen because Blended was beneath her talents, she is way too good for pretentious bullshit like this. Having Wendi plonked amongst the cast of this movie was like Cate Blanchett being in That 70’s Show – I.E. so misplaced it is awful to watch.

As for the kids, they weren’t overly bad. Just a slight case of ‘Mismatch Of The Sexes’ going on due to the boys looking like girls – and the girls looking (convincingly) like boys.
The littlest girl was adorable, breaking up the nauseating atmopshere created by the producers with just her cute smile – a welcome relief. But overall, the entire child cast wasn’t anything to shout about. Quite simply – a bunch of kids having a fun time on a free holiday.

The most irritating cast ensemble to ever grate on me this highly was the holiday resort compere and his flock of amateur backing dancers. You know in a movie when a bizarre solo or double-act keeps popping up at random intervals to sing their way through an explanation of what is happening in the movie so far?.. welcome to bloody Blended. These African randoms got on my tits throughout the entire movie – my reaction every time they appeared on screen was a mix of tut-frown-rolling of the eyes-‘what the fuck?’.
I fucking hated them – they had absolutely no purpose in the movie, no need to be there. It actually reminded me a little of the two castle maids in The Princess Diaries 2; the women seemed to “whoo” and “aah” their way past Anne Hathaway whilst performing body spasms through their maid costumes.
..to which Anne probably felt as head-fucked as the audience.

The ‘different’ actors / performers of this movie were clearly cast in order to display their random talents – and nothing else. For example, Jim’s male work colleague whose only offering to the audience were belly rolls and strange noises. It was so obviously a case of, “yes – we’ll have you in that scene as a laughable time-filler..” on the director’s part.

 

 

What Went Right

..yes, something did actually go right.

The pharmacy store scene involving Lauren and Jim was actually rather good. It is mainly Sandler and Barrymore on their own delivering a scene so full of embarassment and humour that it becomes endearing. The whole ‘late at night in an empty shop’ scenario added to the atmosphere nicely, and actually got me wondering, “if these two were in this by themselves without any kids / overseas antics fucking it up, this might actually be an good little movie…”

The opening scene scene where Jim and Lauren are on a blind date with each other at Hooters was nicely done. The chemistry between the pair was faultless, and Drew getting messy with her food was so silly that it was enjoyable. But although fun, something was missing. Sandler and Barrymore seemed to hurtle through the dialogue at such speed, that any emotion or feeling was lost instantly – as if this scene was the pair speed-reading through their script in a final rehearsal before filming.
Odd.

 

 

U

Blended should be a U-rated movie. There was hardly any swearing or violence, the humour was cheap. Bingo – perfect Universal movie for all the family.
It is one of those randoms that falls under the same category as Parental Guidance, We Bought A Zoo, etc. This is definitely one of those movies you’d find on television during the day on at Christmas or something.

 

Overall, Blended was bloody awful.
I would strongly urge everyone NOT to pay to see this at the cinema, it is not worth your precious pennies.
Give it a go on rental when its released if you must, but don’t go out of your way to see it.
Upon exiting the cinema, I genuinely felt as though 115 minutes of my life had evaporated on absoutely nothing.
Wasted.

Livid.

 

 

 

0/10