Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
They tried to talk to the Earth.
But the Earth couldn’t give a shit..
Believe me, if I wanted to sit and watch a woman have an orgasm over natural plant life, I would have gone and watched someone gushing over products in Holland & Barrett during the Penny Sale.
In The Earth bills itself as a breakthrough horror movie of recent times, and they even tried to be clever by using the word phantasmagoric in the trailer – but it’s really not.
This pitiful attempt at a horror movie is just an artistic producer trying to get clever by using our natural elements as the base for a sinister story. A very diluted The Blair Witch Project meets Ground Force here, with just 3 – 4 actors strolling their way through some sort of bizarre gardening exhibition. In addition, this film is based on the concept of a virus that has wiped out most of Great Britain. And given how pretentiously tiresome it is, almost feels insulting to everybody who has experienced the Coronavirus pandemic.
The gory scenes are unnecessary.
There’s an axe-wielding man who the lead characters keep running from – but don’t seem to have the smarts to actually fight back themselves.
A squeaky-voiced lady somewhere up in the forest seems more interested in playing a DJ set in her swish tent, than actually helping them out.
Oh, and to add insult to injury the producers use a lot of almost eye-damaging strobe lighting.
On a serious note, don’t let anybody you know with photosensitive epilepsy watch this failure of a film. And for god sake, DO NOT pay to watch / stream it either.