Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Alex Winter – William S. “Bill” Preston, Esq.
Keanu Reeves – Ted “Theodore” Logan
Samara Weaving – Theadora “Thea” Preston
Brigette Lundy-Paine – Wilhelmina “Billie” Logan
William Sadler – Grim Reaper (Death)
Kristen Schaal – Kelly
Anthony Carrigan – Dennis Caleb McCoy
Erinn Hayes – Princess Elizabeth
Jayma Mays – Princess Joanna
I remember first seeing the trailer for this at the cinema. My mouth dropped open and I was practically rubbing my hands together.. I mean, a Bill & Ted sequel. This had to be exactly what cinema needed to shake up the current rubbish going through the mill. The last few seconds of this trailer were slightly cringeworthy, but still – it’s Bill & Ted!
But like any threequel (sequel) Bill & Ted Face the Music could have gone one way or the other (one way being excellent, the other being terrible).
This movie is absolutely FUCKING HORRENDOUS.
Its very first scene involving a wedding ceremony paved a bumpy road for what was a disappointingly tiresome movie. In fact, it was this opening scene that rang alarm bells for me. The second Reeves opened his mouth I think I raised an eyebrow. Oh, he still pulls his character off perfectly, it was the script that totally brought it all down. Go back twenty or so years and the dialogue would probably be very witty stuff. In 2020 it just doesn’t have the same sparkle to it. This was basically like watching two drunk men having a boring conversation. It felt disjointed, out of synch.
It’s great to see Reeves slide back into Bill’s shoes, but during some scenes he plays his famous 90’s character with all the energy of a corpsing Saturday Night Live presenter. Look carefully at his eyes as he speaks; they crease slightly as though he’s about to break character and start laughing at either himself or those around him.
Literally all that happens for the entirety of the movie is Thea and Billie travel round collecting popular historic musicians, and then put them together to form a band.
I say ‘band’ – Christ only knows what this group of people is supposed to represent once the music gets going.
The finale – where everybody unites to perform ‘the song’ – is nothing but a confusing mess. It takes place on a busy freeway amongst clusters of parked vehicles, and there has to be at least a few hundred background extras wandering around looking utterly clueless as to what the hell is going on. Men in togas, women in Charleston attire, hanging around with unenthused expressions on their faces as though they – as actors – were genuinely waiting for the someone to shout “cut!”.
The screen falls dark and misty during this scene, shrouding the lead females and their so-called ‘band’ in a blunderous atmosphere. Think Deep Impact (1998) – whilst thousands of people try to exit the city in panic, a live band sets up shop on the back of a truck and starts belting out familiar Bon Jovi chart-toppers. In the wrong key.
In any other movie a scene similar to this may have brought everybody together in musical splendour. But the music score wasn’t even half-decent, and the way in which this was done was absolutely fucking appalling, as though director Dean Parisot was so overwhelmed by the reuniting of Winter and Reeves that he just threw his arms in the air and said, “let’s go wild, everybody. Act like dicks or actually act – do what you want!”
And as for Samara Weaving..
This movie was a huge step down the career ladder for her.
No. Correction: this movie threw her from top of the ladder to the bottom. Her character is weird, and make enough of an impact. She nails the chilled-out characteristics similar to those of her father, Bill but otherwise there’s nothing striking about her. All she does is mime air guitar all the time alongside Ted’s daughter. Basically, if you were to watch Ready or Not (2019) – and then Bill & Ted Face the Music immediately after – you would notice the massive difference in quality.
Obviously they are two completely different concepts, my point is they should have used a different actress in this movie instead of tainting Weaving’s talent. She’s dressed strangely too; literally like an adult who’s been thrown into children’s dungarees. It’s odd, especially for her age.
Ted’s daughter is just annoying. And stands around looking like Anne Hathaway with a lesbian haircut.
It’s safe to say the trailer for this film sums up the lack of enjoyment you’ll experience during it. The last 3-5 seconds is a highy unfunny conversation between Bill, Ted and their daughters:
BILL: “how are you doin’?”
THEA: “well, ye know, we’re dead”
WILHELMINA: “and we’re in Hell”
TED: “but how are you doin’?”
What am I supposed to get from that?! It’s not even funny.
Not even the return of William Sadler as Death amused me. The second he appeared on screen didn’t feel as big a moment as it should have. In fact, this brings me to my overall conclusion:
Bill & Ted Face the Music is like a disappointing school reunion. Imagine walking back through that classroom door.. but only 9 or 10 people turned up – and 4 of these are the caretaker or maintenance staff. Although the novelty is there, bringing back Bill and Ted fell flat on its arse with a worse than ridiculous storyline and very basic screenplay. Nothing much happens at all, and key characters seem to jump in and out randomly (Death, the princesses) before vanishing until the end.
The only good thing about this movie is the fact Reeves, Winter and Sadler agreed to reunite and do it. The nostalgia element is there, and it’s brilliant to revisit the dopey duo. It’s just a shame it didn’t work properly.
If you’re a big fan of the originals, leave it at those and pretend this one doesn’t exist. It’s a journey very far from bogus.