Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Daisy Ridley – Rey
Adam Driver – Ben Solo / Kylo Ren
Carrie Fisher – Leia Organa
Mark Hamill – Luke Skywalker
John Boyega – Finn
Oscar Isaac – Poe Dameron
Who you want to lose – loses.
Who you want to win – wins.
What you want to see in terms of special effects – you see.
What and who entertains you whenever they appear on screen – do.
What you usually become gripped by in the story – you probably will again.
Star Wars: The Rise Skywalker is nothing you haven’t seen before, and incorporates exactly the same features as the previous instalments: it blasts a pounding piece of music as it opens, jumps straight into where Rey is and what she’s upto currently, drags in the enemy, strikes up a fight, and bosh – a showdown takes place. Finale.
This is an underwhelming production sprinkled with horribly overrated actors (a-hem, Boyega).
What can I tell you other than this movie is everything you’re used to and everything you expect. Fans of the Star Wars franchise will no doubt shit themselves in pure excitement, but if you’re not so down with the revamped alien story and want something to enjoy yourself in front of, you’re better off watching porn.