Black Christmas is hellish.. ly boring.

There is something slightly irritating too about watching this group of girls stumble around with angry and confused faces. With Poots being the leader of the miserable pack, the movie takes a different direction to many horrors – and not in a good way. I would like to say the bleak character ensemble is made up for by another element – but it isn’t. The rest of Black Christmas – script, shabby direction, very forgettable characters – is a bloody shambles too. This might be a remake of an old classic (was it a classic?) but it certainly lets the side down in terms of excitement.

Its old-fashioned school set and the grounds surrounding it make this movie feel like some murderous ITV drama. At one stage a character is seen fannying about in her room (not a euphemism) which is a total drag. Pale interiors and furniture displayed through a grainy screen, so still.. until she falls victim to another attacker. Thing is, I might have been entertained by the predatory plot had it not been disclosed from the beginning of the movie that the fraternity boys were solely responsible. If you see the trailer for Black Christmas, you don’t need to see the movie.

It’s clear from the start the mysterious hooded figures are directly linked to the AKO fraternity house. Therefore any big reveal is immediately cancelled out and you’re left with a simple – and uneventful – game of chase between the college boys and girls.
Also in this movie is not the bit you see in the trailer, where two girls are hunted by a hooded figure and manage to floor him whilst fighting back. Riley is then seen pulling his hood back and stammers, “this can’t be real” when a stone statue is revealed.

I can categorically state that this was done purely for entertainment purposes, and that the figure on the floor is actually a man – and not a block of stone. For the love of Christ I can’t figure out why they did this, but had it been a genuine part of the movie I bet it would have added more intrigue and than the movie contained in its entirety.

If you’re wanting scream queens – you’ve put the wrong movie on. The group of friends in this movie are beyond dull and way too big for their boots. They actually reminded me of my university days; a few 18 to 21-year-olds standing around giving each other in-depth relationship or family advice. Or commenting on how strenuous their finances are.
They aren’t even nearing their mid-20’s.

This is a pure example of a movie where its actors are all hands on hips, pouting at the premiere and yet audiences around the world think it’s a genuine load of shit. Thus, their greasy smiles and feeling of pride is absolutely worthless. And going by its online ratings, these guys seemed to be blissfully unaware how badly Black Christmas flopped.

The one and only good thing about this movie is the showdown at the end between the MKE girls and the AKO boys. Seeing those females beat the shit out of the opposite sex kind of felt like they were making up for an extremely dire production.
Don’t bother with this one.