Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Gerard Butler – Jake Lawson
Abbie Cornish – U.S. Secret Service Agent Sarah Wilson
Jim Sturgess – Max Lawson
Alexandra Maria Lara – Ute Fassbender
Ed Harris – U.S. Secretary of State Leonard Dekkom
Andy García – President Andrew Palma
Richard Schiff – Thomas Cross
I think it’s safe to say the trailer for Geostorm sums this movie up within seconds – total bullshit. I haven’t seen anything like it in years; it is right up there with the likes of Meteor Storm, Arctic Blast, Sinkhole, and Snowmageddon.
Butler does a supreme job of sliding through the movie as cool as a cucumber, despite the terrible story unfolding around him. As Jake Lawson, the man is slick and sharp-witted so makes the perfect role model for action fans. Problem is, he’s up against some god-awful actors who are so bland that in actual fact he’s not up against them – he massively outweighs them. Having the furry hunk play out the satellite designer in Geostorm is like Kate Middleton rising from a trapdoor on stage, surrounded by a handful of Big Issue sellers.
Geostorm is built from all the elements and clichés you would expect from such a shocker. For example:
The main man has retired to a lakeside caravan after many successful years in his profession. He vows never to return to what he used to do – until the shit hits the fan in this particular area – and he suddenly decides to backtrack on his decision, jumping straight back into it.
The main man has one singular child, who seems frustrated by his lack of parenting skills. However, after a brief “what if you never come back from outer space?” lecture from this child who hated him moments ago, the camera pans out over the sunset with both looking up at the sky – arms round each other.
One of the lead characters taking matters into his own hands which results in him somehow befriending the President of the United States of America. The President subsequently places all his faith – and that of the entire country – in the hands of this random he has just met in a speeding car.
The only thing worth watching Geostorm for are the visuals. You get some deliciously crisp CGI here, especially during the beach scene: sunbathers looking out to sea, baffled at the sight of what’s coming – at the same time a gigantic wave curls into an arc and then freezes in the temperature. A bizarre sight engulfed in loud cracking audio, good stuff.
An airplane soon drops out of the sky, hits a building and smashes into pieces – even more bizarre. But these moments make good enough entertainment, however far-fetched they are.
My only gripe concerning the special effects is that they are rare throughout. There is room for a hell of a lot more, and I am slightly surprised a movie of its sort didn’t have more work go into it. Still, viewers get a good dollop of cities drowning, seas freezing over and lightning strikes. Viewers get what they paid (or illegally downloaded) for.
Have a watch of Geostorm if you catch it online / on TV. But don’t go being a storm chaser, if it slips out of your grasp it really is no big loss.