Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
T.J. Miller – Gene
James Corden – Hi-5
Anna Faris – Jailbreak
Maya Rudolph – Smiler
Steven Wright – Mel Meh
Jennifer Coolidge – Mary Meh
Patrick Stewart – Poop
Sofía Vergara – Flamenca
Christina Aguilera – Akiko Glitter
For the love of god give the kids a copy of this movie. It is perfect for little people. Bursting with bright, colourful animation The Emoji Movie skates along with daft gusto and is so damn simplistic in plot that you could practically watch it with your eyes closed and still fully absorb what was going on. At the same time sadly, there is such a drastic lack of dynamic that this is probably the main reason it’s ideal for children: nothing much to have to focus on. The movie follows Gene as he embarks on a mini-adventure to discover where he belongs in the world. Which Emoji is he? And will he ever truly fit in The ‘meh’ toddles off on his journey with friends by his side to discover the meaning of iPhone life, and to make sure fellow Emojis are safe from the deadly charms of Smiler.
Christ, what a load of bullshit.
Just when I thought they had exhausted every possible avenue of Hollywood, this comes along. And this movie confirms they can produce a theatrical piece from absolutely ANYTHING nowadays. Anything. At all. My next bets are on the day gravity ends. A talking pavement. Or perhaps a pair of headphones coming to life and embarking on a musical journey to discover that music itself is actually hypnotising the world.
Probably not, but you never quite know these days.
Some elements of The Emoji Movie might make entertaining watching for most viewers. The concept of iPhone owner Alex pressing buttons on his handset and having the Emojis spring into action is sweet, however obvious. Having the lead character stare down at his phone and being watched from the inside (think Wreck-It Ralph) is just plain weird. But it’s when he taps the screen and sets the Emoji selection in motion which boosts the movie’s fizziness.
A gigantic lever slides along the wall of Emoji symbols (cue familiar faces as the skiing man, the flamenco dancer, heart-eyed cat, ambulance, palm tree, beer glass, peace sign and others appear) and selects the chosen one from its window. Totally surreal experience, but I was reeling with a sense of familiarity at the sight of various characters I come into contact with frequently when using my own mobile device..
The Emoji Movie certainly has its quirks, mainly in the form of universally known ideograms who spring to life superbly and radiate such a well-known atmosphere.
The Emoji Movie is pretty much pointless, immaterial. They’ve made a movie from Emojis – and it’s as hideous as you’d expect with a completely dire storyline. I literally cannot describe the story as there was hardly anything to it, this movie is an atrocity of Hollywood – end of.
Aguilera pops up at one stage as the lead character of popular dance app Just Dance. Unfortunately thought she jumps from dancing to singing instantly, and doesn’t let her voiceover finish without speaking in her classic wailing-singing tone. That’s right – as the character she doesn’t just speak. She sings (howls) a few of her lines. Ridiculous.
I wanted my favourite Emoji to make an appearance. It never did.
The smirk has to be one of the cutest Emojis on the keyboard, I bloody love using it – in any conversation I’m having. It adds a cocky yet witty touch without bombarding my text recipient with big colourful flowers or hearts, wide-eyed animals, etc. Shame. What did make an appearance though is the one most people aren’t sure of – haven’t a clue what it actually is; the jagged roundish thing with a pink swirl which Hi-5 actually refers to in the movie as, “fishcake with a swirl”. So there we have it. It’s a fishcake. A fucked-up looking fishcake, but a fishcake nonetheless.
I noticed during the movie half of the Emojis weren’t even standard iPhone ones; a good number of characters are simply round yellow heads on legs which was slightly disappointing. I have never used these gobstopper-like ideograms, neither have I seen them on any other devices. God knows where they came from but they ruined the continuity and took the novelty out of the whole Emoji concept.
If you have any taste in movies at all you would skip this one. Which is probably obvious the second you hear about it, but I would still advise to steer clear. It was almost insulting having James Corden jumping around the screen as Hi-5, speaking in a way a teacher would to first-year pupils at school. His patronising tone was just vile, and I honestly don’t know how Faris was persuaded to take part either.
As mentioned above however, I’m certain little people will enjoy The Emoji Movie for all its colourful animation but otherwise the novelty ends there.