Gods of Egypt

Mortal hero Bek teams with the god Horus in an alliance against Set, the merciless god of darkness, who has usurped Egypt’s throne, plunging the once peaceful and prosperous empire into chaos and conflict.

Cast

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau – Horus

Gerard Butler – Set

Brenton Thwaites – Bek

Élodie Yung – Hathor

Rufus Sewell – Urshu

Chadwick Boseman – Thoth

Rachael Blake – Isis

I absolutely refuse to spend more time than is needed on writing this review. Gods of Egypt is definitely one of the worst movies I have ever sat through. The story itself and special effects, the talentless actors, the direction, the mockery.. it was absolutely unbearable. I won’t lie – I walked out about half hour before the movie finished.

And here’s why:

What Went Wrong

The acting in Gods of Egypt is absolutely appalling. The cast perform like a bunch of reality TV stars doing a show for charity on stage in the West End; they remain deadly serious when delivering their lines, and hold no acting skill whatsoever.

Hathor (Yung) seems to float around the set occassionally offering a smile at various characters as though director Alex Proyas knew for a fact the woman couldn’t act, and wouldn’t bring anything to the movie other than sex appeal.

Urshu (Sewell) is just awful. The only way I can sum him up is being like a porn star; walking around set with an emotionless face, speaking his lines as though reading out the ingredients on the back of a yogurt or something. Not that I’m too involved with porn, but I’ve seen enough to know how wooden some of the guys are, and this chump matches their icy personalities perfectly. He’s just terrible. No passion in his eyes, just delivering lines with a slight facial expression.

And of course, Gerard Butler! We have at least one familiar Hollywood face in this movie to save the day. I just couldn’t believe the actor agreed to be part of it. As always, Butler delivers the stony-faced air of masculinity who stomps through the movie being neither crap or great. He just – performs. Let’s face it, if a movie needs a slightly chunky, looming male to take charge and be ‘the macho saviour’ – Butler is the one to pick. Like Liam Neeson, his talent is highly restricted, but he’s ‘the man’ of the movie so seems to get away with it.
Elaborating lightly on the subject of porn, I must say seeing Butler squatting over another man in a leather skirt was incredibly homoerotic; if you like a bit of man-on-man masculinity, you might just enjoy this. It was the only part of the movie I did.

The CGI and other visuals in this movie were just awful. I was gobsmacked at the fact bad acting and unfamiliar performers had not been replaced with this, as it’s usually the way in action movies: the budget is fuelled mainly into the graphics, leaving little for the cast and set.
In reverse however, where Gods of Egypt lacked in cast talent it lacked similarly in graphics. There was a scene where two lead characters were riding a carriage through their city – and it was shocking. The visuals were beyond shabby, like an old-fashioned children’s television programme.

What Went Right

It’s been a while since seeing a movie where I disliked every element of it. Where there was nothing I enjoyed about its screen time – yet here we are. But if I had to pick a good thing about Gods of Egypt it would be the fantasty aspect. Random characters sprouting sparkling wings and taking flight like Greek gods or something. Perfect for younger viewers, this should keep them entertained. But the overall story will probably send them to sleep.

Gerard Butler being one of the main characters was a nice distraction. The fact he was stood there, a big looming presence during certain scenes, meant I was immediately drawn to him. This movie was dire, but Butler kept me afloat slightly with his familiar face.
He didn’t stop me walking out though.

A selection of Egyptian characters who all (strangely) have a British accent.
Special effects which would make even a beginner in movie-making roll their eyes. Unbelievably wooden acting, irrelevant characters, stories I couldn’t feel less engaged with, misplaced porn artists..
Gods of Egypt was an absolute shambles from beginning to end. It is definitely one of the worst, most unenjoyable movies I’ve ever seen.

If you have any taste in film whatsoever, you’d avoid this.
End of.