Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Pain (ful) And Gain (not a lot)
Pain And Gain really isn’t as funny as the trailer makes out – in fact, the trailer is funnier.
The movie opens with uber-fit bodybuilder Daniel Lugo performing sit-up’s atop a billboard, who suddenly hears the sound of Police sirens. Thus begins a chase through streets, resulting in Daniel being smacked and thrown up in the air by a Police vehicle…
Daniel Lugo is a recently released convict who was sentenced for Medicare fraud – but has now managed to secure a job as a successful personal trainer with ‘Sun Gym’. Daniel’s ego and vanity is his driving force; the beefed-up man is literally unstoppable in his desperate search for contentment (contentment being money & looking good), however, its not until a new member walks into his gym that Daniel’s search takes a sinister turn..
Victor Kershaw has it all; money, huge houses, offshore accounts.. and Daniel wants it. So together with 2 fellow bodybuilders (one being Adrian Doorball whose use of steroids has rendered him impotent, the other being Paul Doyle, another recently released convict who turns to religion, but still seems hooked on cocaine), he kidnaps and tortures Victor.
Pain And Gain is a bit of a tedious watch. It contains non-stop action which is a good thing, but at the same time we have these three “let me prove how heterosexual I am” guys, throwing their weight around for absolutely no reason – well – the reason being they have big muscles. It is honestly hard to tell if the director was trying to make a drama or a comedy with this movie, because the plot & story are shockingly gritty – yet the audience were actually laughing at the sight of Dwayne Johnson barbecuing body parts!?
The story is ruthless – the tale of one man who wants the riches of another man so much, that he will do anything to acquire them. The mentality of Daniel Lugo is questionable – he lives in the real world, but his morals are completely twisted. Unreal. What a man, what a plan! Hence the shocking story, yet humour. Overall, this movie is messy – it jumps from one place to the other very quickly, whilst the main characters at the same time, are fucking up their plan. And I thought we’d see more of ‘Chow’ – you know, Ken Jeong from ‘The Hangover’ – but he pops up in true cameo style, announces he got successful because he is a “doer”, and then disappears again. Done.
The three criminals soon have a private detective on their tails, and their glitzy world begins to fall apart.. but who manages to escape the authorities?.. in all honesty, I don’t think anyone in the audience actually cared.
Mark Wahlberg – yes, we know you’re rather buff.
Dwayne Johnson – you will always be a stumpy, ball of wrestling gristle. Stick to sport and get out of movies (unless you can actually display a character – yes, a character – not a character who is a fucking wrestler)
Applause for the actual true story. Silence in the house for the movie made of it.
Note: 7 out of 10 people I told I was going to see this, responded “never heard of it” – and I now know why.