Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Brad Pitt – Roy McBride
Tommy Lee Jones – H. Clifford McBride
Ruth Negga – Helen Lantos
Liv Tyler – Eve
I would actually feel insulted if I had to write for a publication about Ad Astra. Not only does it not deserve any recognition at all, but it deserves to be pulled from retail release due to it being that unbearable to watch. I cannot emphasize enough how very little happens as the story unfolds, with Pitt taking the lead but oddly giving a performance so bland that you’d think it was a different actor. Absolutely none of his enthusiasm you’ve seen in other movies is present here. I’m not saying he should be exactly the same as Fury (2014) as such, but fact is he is terrible in Ad Astra. And the worst element is his voice; a monotone dreary garble that goes on and on about his mission and relationship with his father (Jones). He narrates the entire movie (unfortunately) in a way that would put a person on ecstasy to sleep.
This is agony, delivered by the protagonist. Pitt is so damn tedious that it’s horrible to sit through. I looked around the cinema at one point to see if anyone was still conscious.
I’m not joking when I tell you – literally NOTHING happens during this abortion of a movie. The main character suits up and gets shot into outer space (sadly not shot in space). He then spends the rest of it floating around a spaceship with extremely little – almost nothing – happening, both inside or out. If the producers wanted to bill this as ‘the next Gravity’ they need to take a serious reality check; the CGI might’ve been on the same scale but action-wise Ad Astra doesn’t come close. It isn’t even similar. It’s pure shit from start to finish.
And then Tommy Lee Jones appears..
His miserable old croak meant he and Pitt together sounded like funeral speakers with their souls removed. The astronaut moans about how selfish his father is, the father then mopes about how he’s aware of how selfish he is. Round and round the dialogue goes, until the movie claws its way to some sort of finale. I was chewing fiercely on the rim of my Starbucks cup, gagging for the credits to roll so that I could head home and do something more interesting – like cleaning the fridge out.
If you relish the idea of listening to a miserable middle-aged man narrating an uneventful story, this is your film. Set out as though the protagonist is reading excerpts from his hideously dreary personal diary, Ad Astra has to be the worst outer space production in decades. Barely any action takes place on its small set, so you would hope the screenplay / script and actors would make up for this and deliver a surprisingly good show.
They do not. And the result is roughly 123 minutes of sheer agony.
Approach this one like its directors: with as little enthusiasm as possible.