Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Tom Cruise – Sergeant Nick Morton
Sofia Boutella – Princess Ahmanet
Jake Johnson – Corporal Chris Vail
Annabelle Wallis – Jennifer “Jenny” Halsey
Russell Crowe – Dr. Henry Jekyll
This movie is absolutely appalling.
I can categorically state that The Mummy is one of the biggest disappointments of the last decade I have witnessed. Not only does it fail to provide an engaging story, the main characters spend 70% of their screen time legging it through city streets being chased – by the presence of a deceased woman. It makes for a ridiculous watch. But this is half the problem..
Some movies are so ridiculous that they actually provide a lot of entertainment. So bad they’re brilliant. Sadly, The Mummy doesn’t even fit into this category as Cruise and Wallis blunder their way around the set like two exciteable drama students who have been asked to act out a fellow student’s rough draft of a script they wrote. Not even Cruise’s trademark own stunts manage to work as a distraction from the dire, shabby plot – even in all his fluffy-haired glory as he plummets from aircrafts and buildings. Because for all the man’s efforts in bravery, the rest of the movie turns to shit pretty quickly.
The most bizarre feature is how the ‘mummy’ is captured in almost half-spirit half-human state, and hung by chains in a containment zone. Then as the movie progresses, she evolves into solid human form and becomes – well – a bit of a bitch. Thing is, this situation is just plain stupid. I am fully aware of its genre but this movie was (ironically) evolving into something beyond ridiculous. Added to this was a pure lack of eventful action; scenes seemed to shift from Ahmanet’s chamber to Nick’s antics and back again with no real substance. I wanted juicy confrontation between the lead characters and city domination as she unleashed herself upon everyone. I expected brilliant CGI and effects to come in to play when portraying the effects her wrath had on the world, I.E. toppling buildings, sandstorms, ghostly apparitions. Maybe a touch of banter between Nick and the princess.
I got none of this. And like turning the pages of a book but not reading the printed words, The Mummy moved full steam ahead towards its conclusion totally void of an engaging plot. Oh it has its cheeky moments whereby one of the characters drops a sarcastic line giving way for Cruise’s character to hit back with a deadpan facial expression, but that’s all you’re getting people. That’s your lot.
What a completely empty piece of shit. Excuse my language, but this movie was dire and I can sum it up in one word: irrelevant.
Quite literally the only thing I enjoyed about this movie was the scene where what should have been water flowing through an underground lair was actually mercury. And the fact the mummy’s eyes grew double pupils. Sad, but true.
Avoid this one like the plague.