Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases
Anton Yelchin – Pat
Imogen Poots – Amber
Alia Shawkat – Sam
Joe Cole – Reece
Callum Turner – Tiger
Patrick Stewart – Darcy Banker
Mark Webber – Daniel
Good GOD. What the HELL was that?
Impossibly naive characters who got on my nerves just by slow facial expressions and stupid suggestions
Unnecessary violence – in every part of the story / movie
Lack of substance, making this movie quite simply a vulgar display of murder – just because the producers could.
I first saw the advertisment poster for Green Room on the Underground about two weeks ago now, and immediately felt a flicker of intrigue. The poster displayed a handful of young adults venturing into a pitch black void, with the lit room and open door they’d walked out of behind them. It looked as though the characters were enrering a -literally – darkly sinister lair they wouldn’t be able to exit. And with the tag line, ‘one way in, no way out’ printed at the foot of the poster, this made me want to watch the movie even more.
I couldn’t wait.
I got my ticket.
Entered the auditorium.
Sat down and excitedly popped open my bottle of Evian (yes – I’m hardcore).
The credits began..
..and 93 minutes later I wished I’d never been made aware of this movie’s existance.
I felt disappointed. Irritated. Disgusted. Beyond bored.
And I got out of the cinema as quickly as I could.
Green Room was absolutely pointless; a movie in which people were hurt or murdered very violently whilst the story itself held very little or no substance.
Grungey rock band perform at a little urban club
The band go backstage shortly after finishing their set – and discover a murder has taken place
The door to the green room they are in is closed and locked as the band are then
A) practically taken hostage
B) keep themselves there as it seems the safest option.
The beginning of this scene is messy; it contains a lot of jumping back and forth between characters and spirals out of direction as conversation between the band members and the club owners takes place on two sides of a closed door. The main bad guy in the room only adds to to the disjointed mess as he stands around being as menacing as possible – by using just his voice and hardly any physical acting. It’s incredibly boring stuff. And It seemed as though director Jeremy Saulnier had just one aim:
To gross out viewers with (not even a lot of) disgusting bodily injuries. I can see the board room discussion for Green Room now..
Saulnier: “..ok guys, let’s create the whole nose-pierced, ripped baggy t-shirt, Marilyn Manson-style atmosphere so grunge and punk viewers will be in their element. Then channel the aggression from all that bullshit screamy music into a handful of violent club owners who kill people – for no reason.
A movie that emo’s and fans of indie rock music can relate to – but with a bit of violence thrown in. A ‘Hostel’ for Glastonbury fans. How brilliant is that!?..”
Hollywood: “..sounds like one of the shittest movies ever thought of, but we’re hungover from a party last night – hell, why not. Put it through guys”.
Sam (Shawkat) got on my nerves from the beginning – and irritated me for the rest of the movie. As if her frizzy, overly carefree attitude wasn’t arrogant enough, the girl grabs a fire extinguisher (to use as a weapon against bad guys) and spends a good percentage of her screen time covering everything in foam. I glazed over slightly as I stared at her turning a horror movie into a clownish foam party, absolutely ridiculous.
..and towards the end of the movie we’re dished an even bigger serving of ‘fucking stupidness’, as one of the characters decides the moment his life might be ended is the perfect moment for a haircut.
Two characters cower in the green room defeated, thinking they’ve run out of options. And then one of them jumps up with a brilliant idea..
Fast-forward a little, and one of the bad guys comes storming in to finish them off – and pauses as he looks down at a pair of hair clippers surrounded by brunette tufts. Yes, one of our victims has shaved his head.
Hysteria is one thing, but being driven to chop your locks as a matter of survival is just plain weird. And sums this movie up perfectly.
One of the bad guys was hot.
That is all.
I refuse to give Green Room any more of my time.
It’s cheap, shabby, void of any decent story and quite detestable. It literally is bloody and gruesome for no reason; a blank canvas for the director to throw mucus and a bit of flesh at. Disgusting.
Oh, of course an element of indie runs in the background for the more pierced of viewer but other than that.. what on GOD’S EARTH was the point of Green Room?
An absolute insult to the world of cinema.