Ricky's Film Reviews

Bringing you honest reviews of recent releases

The Wolverine


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To sum this movie up:

It’s a dream sequence. You know sometimes you have those dreams where you could be cleaning a toilet one second – drinking hot chocolate with The Queen the next?

No link, no relevance, no sense.

..imagine a friend of yours bursts through your front door.
Followed by a random person you’ve never seen before.
There’s a fight.

Suddenly, without any sort of explanation or thought as to what you’re doing, you lay down on the kitchen table – and tear open your own chest, pulling out a robotic insect.
You don’t know how it got there – you don’t even query the fact – you just continue with the situation..

All of a sudden, a woman comes through your front door – she has no background history, no explanation as to why she’s there.
She just is.
Then, you quickly discover she is a human insect, who is out to destroy you (yet you still don’t know WHY)..
(oh, and the 2 people who burst into your home at the beginning, are still going at it. and it has become tedious)

Wolverine was honestly an insult to previous ‘Wolverine’ movies (X-Men, etc.)
Its unravelled string of disjointed ideas & action moments were strewn across an hour and a half, resulting in –
absolutely nothing.

The movie opens with Wolverine saving a soldier from the historic Nagasaki atomic bomb.
There’s a quick “wow” as our hero displays one of his super-powers, and then the movie begins.

However, what we get is a fleeting romance between our hero and the girl he has to save from ‘baddies’ whilst being on the run from ‘baddies’
This movie contains those classic ‘hero standing in a robe in front of a crackling fire whilst staring intently at the female’ scenes – you know what is going to happen.
And it does.

Wolverine is predictable, sloppy and very poorly directed.
An example of this: just after Wolverine ‘goes the extra mile’ on the female he has to protect, we’re suddenly accosted by a bunch of Japanese Ninja’s who appear to have followed the director’s instruction perfectly of, “just freestyle it guys. Do what you want, but make it slick”

The movie seems to drag, it really does, until we are introduced to the ‘Viper Woman’
But sorry people, she’s not around for long:
she pops in to give a quick scream – and then disappears for another 20 minutes.
Then she reappears again, drops the irrelevant piece of information that she’s “a chemist” – and buggers off again.
There is no big introduction to her, no detail, she’s just – there.

I honestly cannot continue talking about such a waste of cinema time.

DO NOT PAY to watch this movie.
Because if you’re a fan of Wolverine and his previous antics, you will be sorely disappointed.
It is so predictable, that I actually stood up to leave when I had a feeling it was about to finish.

        ..it did.

 1/10

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This entry was posted on July 26, 2013 by .
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